There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
