I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
