We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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