Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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