It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
