Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
