I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
