i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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