Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
