I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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