I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
