I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
