We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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