If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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