WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
