Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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