when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
