and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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