we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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