I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
