I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
