is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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