Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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