the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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