He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
