she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
