You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
