watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
