im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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