I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
