First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
