you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
