You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
