he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
