There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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