I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
