i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
