Only a mothe r could love this liver
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I understand Curling. That high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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