susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
