I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is Oprah even human
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
