so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize