If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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