I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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