I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
