Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
