Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
