Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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