Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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