I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
