i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
