this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
