Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
