it wasn't lemon gatorade
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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