There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
