New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
