Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
