look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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