you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
