sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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