Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So much rum. So many feels.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
