I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.