I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
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went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming