They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.