Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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