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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table

  (804): View more from Virginia

  by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?

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• (818): View more from California

  dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks

  (626): View more from California

  well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

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• (818): View more from California

  Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party

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• (904): View more from Florida

  You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future 

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..

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• (845): View more from New York

  I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?

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