just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.