Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall

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(917): View more from New York City

My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.

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(214): View more from Texas

You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

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(616): View more from Michigan

You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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(305): View more from Florida

He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?

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(941): View more from Florida

I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.

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