I would do horrible things to your vagina.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza