3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.