dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
