At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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