she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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