i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
