I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So vagazzling was a success
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
