there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
