Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
