I cannot find my penis.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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