Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
