She said her name was "party"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
