Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
