A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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