Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
and you fell through a lawn chair
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
