Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
