Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
