Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
