How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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