Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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