what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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