Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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