whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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