Betty ford says i'm here all night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
