the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
