what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
