his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
